In my last posts i mentioned that i was going through a hard time and needed some Prayers. I am still struggling, but If you have been Praying for me, I thank you very much. I don't think the power of prayer can be overestimated. If you would keep Praying, that would be simply wonderful.
So today i decided to kinda go out of my comfortable little circle and tell you a little about what I am struggling with.
You may or may not have heard the term "scrupulosity" or "scrupulous" before. It's also referred to as "the doubting decease" and "Religious OCD". The latter term gives you a better idea of what it is.
Basically, I have an "over developed conscience" if you will. At first you would think, "we'll isn't that a good thing? Having a well developed conscience is good to help you on the right path and keeps you out of trouble, right?"
Well, yes! Our consciences are a wonderful gift from God. I don't even want to think about what would happen if we had no conscience. But, the way my conscience works is a bit odd. Instead of being too lax about somethings, my conscience is too strict about somethings. It's hard to explain. I don't want to go into *too much* detail, but I do want to give you an idea of what's going on, not really so that you will "feel sorry for me" but to give you an understanding of what I am going through and also that you will be aware that other people are suffering from this also, and they need Prayers just as much as I do. Sometimes it's easier to Pray for people if you know what you are Praying for.
Basically, almost every mistake I make is a sin, and probably a mortal one, in my mind. Some how, somewhere, my mind sees a little venial sin as a mortal sin,
Even when it's not. Here is an example that may help you understand it a little.
A lot of times i will have obsessive "bad thoughts" which are basically just temptations. the temptation isn't a sin, right? It's when we give into it that it becomes a sin. we cant avoid simply having temptations. well, these "bad thoughts" that won't leave me alone, will almost send me into a panic attack about weather or not i brought up the thoughts and entertained them? was it a mortal sin? Should i go to Communion on Sunday? Maybe i should rush to confession right now? i probably have had a panic attack because of these things before. Then i end up feeling absolutely terrible and end up in quite a depressed mood. Then of course i start obsessing over wether or not feeling this way is despair, another sin, which makes me feel worse, and i end up as a sobbing mess.
That's just one example. And it's not just me who has these problems. Like i said above, there are more people with this condition. So many that there is even a newsletter that you can get called "Scrupulous anonymous" that is run by a Priest or a group of Priests, that is specifically meant to help scrupulous people overcome this condition. And believe me, it's no easy task.
So if you've been Praying, again, thank you a thousand times! Please continue to Pray if you would, but not just for me. Please pray for Healing for all scrupulous people. It's really tough and the fear and anxiety that comes with it sometimes feels like downright torture. Not all scrupulous people's scrupulosity is as bad as mine, but there are some who are worse off.
One more thing. I'm not trying to scare anyone into sinning more or anything. I don't want you to not have a well developed conscience. Our conscience is a good thing. Scruples can be a good thing if they don't get out of hand. These things where given to us to help us on our journey to Heaven. To stay away from sin, to avoid all evil, to help us please God more! Don't stop growing in your faith. Don't ever stop. This condition is just something that i have, along with others. It's not something that Happens overnight. It probably has something to do with how our brains work and change (hence the term "Religious OCD". OCD is a disorder of the mind)
Thanks for the Prayers, and please keep Praying!
God bless you! And have a wonderful Palm Sunday tomorrow!
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Trees :)
Well, so much for posting more during Lent. . . Iv'e been struggling with a lot of things in my life lately. I don't really want to go into details, and I certainly don't want to worry anyone, but if you would just say a couple little prayers for me, that would be greatly appreciated.
Now, if only I could remember what I was going to post about! I thought I had something really good, but now I can't remember it. So, I guess I will write about something else LOL
Well, I kinda need a little break from the world right now, so I'm just gonna start on something kinda random. How about, my favorite trees :D
Have you ever heard of those giant redwood trees? They are officially one of my favorite trees. Those things are huge! I saw a picture of some people climbing one (they needed climbing gear, like you would use for rock climbing!) and they looked like Squirrels compared to that tree! I'm not sure that it would be a good idea to climb one, (I don't have any climbing gear, and that would be quite a height) but they are just so cool.
here's some more info about them http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sequoia_sempervirens
I also like bonsai trees. . . . . LOL the biggest trees and the smallest trees :) I know they aren't really a specific "species", because they can be a variety of different species, but they are really really cool. They are so tiny! I have wanted a Bonsai tree for, I don't know how long! It would be so cool. They are so tiny, and they just make me think of little tiny people in little tiny villages. (Ok, I admit it, I am a bit obsessed/fascinated with little tiny things :) )
Another one of my favorites are Maples trees. They are probably one of the most common trees in my area. They Smell So Good! Something about Maple trees is just very calming to me. There is one in my backyard that I climb sometimes. I've done all sorts of things up there, Drawing, Bird watching, reading and just thinking about things. This may be strange to you, but I have to say, that tree is one of my favorite places.
And another of my favorites are Oak trees. Like Maples, they smell really good, and are also another common tree in my area. There is something about Oak trees that make them look so wise. I know, Trees can't really be "wise", after all, they don't really think or talk or anything, but if oak trees were people, they would look like very wise people. I have one of them in my backyard also, and I also like to hang out in that one. One time I was sitting up there, and a squirrel started coming down the tree. He rounded the trunk only to see me sitting there, And he just stopped. He was about three or four feet above me in the tree, and he just kept peeking at me like he was flabbergasted. He looked like he was thinking "Humans in trees? How can that be? No. No I am not seeing a human in this tree. No, I am! There is a human in this tree!" LOL after a little while, probably just a few seconds or a minute, he scampered back up the tree. It was quite funny.
Well anyway, as you can see, I am pretty fascinated with trees. I could go on and on about all the trees I like, but then the post would be so long that no-one would ever make it to the end! LOL
Edit: **** GASP******
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I scrolled down on the link I posted above about redwoods, and I found this! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Redwood_bonsai.JPG
It's a BONSAI REDWOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my. .. . Oh my! That would be so COOL! It's a. . . It's a. . .. . . . . . . MINIATURE GIANT! haha!
Now, if only I could remember what I was going to post about! I thought I had something really good, but now I can't remember it. So, I guess I will write about something else LOL
Well, I kinda need a little break from the world right now, so I'm just gonna start on something kinda random. How about, my favorite trees :D
Have you ever heard of those giant redwood trees? They are officially one of my favorite trees. Those things are huge! I saw a picture of some people climbing one (they needed climbing gear, like you would use for rock climbing!) and they looked like Squirrels compared to that tree! I'm not sure that it would be a good idea to climb one, (I don't have any climbing gear, and that would be quite a height) but they are just so cool.
here's some more info about them http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sequoia_sempervirens
I also like bonsai trees. . . . . LOL the biggest trees and the smallest trees :) I know they aren't really a specific "species", because they can be a variety of different species, but they are really really cool. They are so tiny! I have wanted a Bonsai tree for, I don't know how long! It would be so cool. They are so tiny, and they just make me think of little tiny people in little tiny villages. (Ok, I admit it, I am a bit obsessed/fascinated with little tiny things :) )
Another one of my favorites are Maples trees. They are probably one of the most common trees in my area. They Smell So Good! Something about Maple trees is just very calming to me. There is one in my backyard that I climb sometimes. I've done all sorts of things up there, Drawing, Bird watching, reading and just thinking about things. This may be strange to you, but I have to say, that tree is one of my favorite places.
And another of my favorites are Oak trees. Like Maples, they smell really good, and are also another common tree in my area. There is something about Oak trees that make them look so wise. I know, Trees can't really be "wise", after all, they don't really think or talk or anything, but if oak trees were people, they would look like very wise people. I have one of them in my backyard also, and I also like to hang out in that one. One time I was sitting up there, and a squirrel started coming down the tree. He rounded the trunk only to see me sitting there, And he just stopped. He was about three or four feet above me in the tree, and he just kept peeking at me like he was flabbergasted. He looked like he was thinking "Humans in trees? How can that be? No. No I am not seeing a human in this tree. No, I am! There is a human in this tree!" LOL after a little while, probably just a few seconds or a minute, he scampered back up the tree. It was quite funny.
Well anyway, as you can see, I am pretty fascinated with trees. I could go on and on about all the trees I like, but then the post would be so long that no-one would ever make it to the end! LOL
Edit: **** GASP******
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I scrolled down on the link I posted above about redwoods, and I found this! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Redwood_bonsai.JPG
It's a BONSAI REDWOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my. .. . Oh my! That would be so COOL! It's a. . . It's a. . .. . . . . . . MINIATURE GIANT! haha!
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